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November 2, 2024

Healing Relationship with Daughter

We aget queries on "how to heal/settle a karmic account" every now and then. This is one of a kind, where a mother contacted us to ask for guidance—for healing the relationship she shares with her teenage daughter with anger issues. Please read this, if you need any similar help.

Title: "𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙍𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝘿𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙚𝙧"

Subtitle: 𝙶𝚞𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙 & 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚙 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚛/𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚎𝚜.

✶𝗔𝗱𝗺𝗶𝗻: 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘧𝘶𝘭, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘶𝘮 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 (𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺/𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴). 𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘶𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦. "𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙨 𝙎𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜"

The following was written in response to a query we received on our Samadhan WhatsApp group in May 2024.

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🍁"Understanding" is the FIRST step for 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩. You can never begin the healing unless you "understand" the other person to a certain degree. This you can do when you 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐬 (seeing their perspective)

🌱𝗦𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱: It is quite common and we see children in the teenage years (girls in particular) are 𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞, 𝐮𝐧𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 & 𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 without a reason. As you might know, this happens mainly because of many biological changes (𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬) happening in their body during the teenage years (age 13-17)

👉This is when parents must be 𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚛𝚊 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚌𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜 of their relationship with their children. It is very important to have frequent 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 (rather than a parent)

🍀𝐁𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭 with them about everything, and they will naturally feel a compulsion to be open and honest with you... This is how right parenting works. Because by scolding or punishing your children, they will only move further away from you, both emotionally and physically.

🌸𝗖𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 in a relationship is naturally developed when you are 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭, 𝐧𝐨𝐧-𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥, 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐲, 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐟𝐮𝐥 to each other.

☝️This is all you need to know in order to develop such a bond with your daughter.

🌈𝗥𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿: It wont feel easy in the beginning. There would be first a 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 from your daughter, followed by a little 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞... and as you 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐢𝐧 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 with her and be open... you both will become good friends (by following the above guidance)>> You will see how she would share with you all that a parent may need to know.

🌻Again: You are also a parent to her. So you must also 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐲 to your conversations. But that should be done with 𝚙𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 and 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐. "𝘋𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶" > The moment you will react, she will sense the presence of a parent (not of a friend)

Advising

🪴If she feels down, 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 & 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬. If she confess a mistake, 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 first for the honesty (like a friend) and then guide her and give her 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 (like a parent).

☝️𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, without being harsh or impatient... And when you do this, there would be inner satisfaction and joy.

🪻With all this, 𝗮 𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗮𝗻𝘁, 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘁𝗺𝗼𝘀𝗽𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲 is most important for any child's emotional growth. A happy family would 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 out of an innocent child.

🌿We highly recommend you to follow our detailed guidance on the same topic published on our forum 👉 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙪𝙚

(go through this post and also follow the 𝟛 𝕧𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕠𝕤 given at the end)