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February 11, 2025

Helping Someone to Change

Introduction: Change is a deeply personal journey, and supporting someone through it requires patience, empathy, and understanding. Whether your loved one is striving to break a habit, adopt a healthier lifestyle, or make a significant life decision, your role as a supporter can be both impactful and challenging. It is therefore important to recognize that change is rarely linear, and everyone moves at their own pace.

In this article, we’ll explore 'specific' case of a person, and also 'general' practical ways to encourage and empower someone to change without overstepping boundaries or creating pressure. By fostering a supportive environment and practicing compassionate communication, you can help them take meaningful steps forward while strengthening your relationship in the process.

Title: "𝙃𝙚𝙡𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚"

Subtitle:

𝚂𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚐𝚞𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚙 (𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛) 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚕𝚢 '𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎' 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚢

Index

Article Introduction

The context

Everyone is Evolving

Spiritual Wisdom & Advice

Practical Guidance

Helpful Links (*)

✶𝗔𝗱𝗺𝗶𝗻: 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘧𝘶𝘭, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘶𝘮 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 (𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺/𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴). 𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘶𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 & 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴. "𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙨 𝙎𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜"

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The following was written in response to a query we received on our Samadhan WhatsApp group in Jan 2025.

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🍀Let us begin from it all began. Here is a 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 of your message:

As you said, you 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 this person and this relationship... The way it happened was a 'conscious choice'.

🌻When it happened, you found in them the 'qualities' that you asked for... With time, and by now, you feel that they are 𝐧𝐨𝐭 '𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐞𝐝' 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞-𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞. There is also a difference in sanskaras (nature).

✶Here is our response>>>

I sense that, you would have the basic 'spiritual understanding' that is required here, and so we wont go into detail in that direction.

The light that you asked us to shed is the light that will help you see what was missed before.

"𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙚𝙫𝙤𝙡𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜"

Back then when you manifested this relationship, you were (spiritually speaking) 𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧. Your own 𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝𝕝 '𝕤𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕓𝕖𝕚𝕟𝕘' has changed. You have 'evolved' in your path.... and so did the other soul (your spouse in this life).

🌳Even when you do not find them 'alligned' to your 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠, they are very much alligned, to their own. Understanding this, you can develop 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 and set boundaries to WHAT and HOW MUCH your-self to share, how much of 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 to spend, and how much 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 for each other.

☘️You are definitely not to miss an 'opportunity' 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦, whenever and however. Beyond words, the spiritual help can always be given, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐯𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐲.

⭐We call it '𝙎𝙖𝙠𝙖𝙨𝙝' (sending intense thoughts/vibrations/energy with the intention to 'heal' or 'help' someone). Even 𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞, 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 & 𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 for someone is a lighter form of Sakash.

We invite you to learn about 'Sakash' through our this post👉 https://www.shivbabas.org/forum/question-answers/sakash-meaning-purpose-method (𝘔𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘗𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦, 𝘔𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘥)

Spiritual Wisdom & Advice

Surely you can see if you can contribute to their (your spouse's) life 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐲. Try this with experiments. "Do everything good you wish to do for them, selflessly, and then leave it to the universe, and to that soul's destiny"

🍁When your 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 (job/role) is done, you have the option to 'stay' or 'leave'. Know that, mostly, it is better to 'leave' when your work is done, so that 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰. Attachment to the 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧, or to the result (𝐟𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐭) of karma, becomes the cause of misery. Therefore, be 'selfless' and 'detached' in all your doings.

🪻A large reason one must be 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 in all their doings, is that--"𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘢, 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘭𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳-𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧"

and remember:

"𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙨, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧-𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛"

and thus,

"𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙤 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙤 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧-𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛"

Miss no opportunity to give help, to 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞 what to have in excess, and to express your love & kindness.

☝️This is all you need to keep in 𝕒𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤... This is the essence-nectar of 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞-𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐝𝐨𝐦. "We all should treat each other, as we wish to be treated". But in doing so, 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡, the truth of your being. Light up your own soul before you go on to light another's... BE HAPPY FIRST in order to share your happiness.

🌷Above all, 𝗱𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 '𝗷𝗼𝘆' 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 '𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗲' 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗹. When you do this, you can pave your own path, make your own way... 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧: We all are gifted with this "inner compass" that constantly guide us towards God, our 𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛 𝚍𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢 within. So trust your 'intuition' and life live with 'awareness'.

Practical Suggestions

Remember: Your love, patience and unconditional support itself can make a great difference to someone's life. Here are some practical steps to help them effectively and compassionately:

1● Understand Their Motivation

Listen without judgment to their goals, fears, and reasons for wanting to make a shift.
Avoid imposing your own expectations or agenda—this is their journey

2● Be Patient and Non-Judgmental

Change takes time, and setbacks are normal. Avoid criticizing or expressing frustration if progress is slow.
Offer encouragement and remind them that small steps still count.

3● Offer Support, Not Control

Be a source of encouragement, but avoid trying to control their actions or decisions.
Respect their autonomy and let them take ownership of their process.

4● Help Them Set Realistic Goals

Break down their larger goal into smaller, manageable steps.
Celebrate their achievements, no matter how small, to keep them motivated.

5● Provide a Safe Space

Create an environment where they feel comfortable sharing their struggles and successes.
Avoid being overly critical or dismissive of their efforts.

6● Encourage Self-Reflection

Gently guide them to reflect on their progress and challenges.
Help them identify what’s working and what might need adjustment.

7● Be a Positive Role Model

If applicable, model the behavior or mindset they’re striving for.
Share your own experiences with change, including challenges and how you overcame them.

8● Avoid Enabling Negative Patterns

While being supportive, avoid enabling behaviors that hinder their progress.
Set healthy boundaries if their actions negatively impact you or others.

9● Suggest Professional Help if Needed

If their change involves overcoming addiction, mental health struggles, or other complex issues, encourage them to seek professional support.
Offer to help them find resources or accompany them to appointments if they’re comfortable.

10● Practice Self-Care

Supporting someone through change can be emotionally taxing. Ensure you’re taking care of your own well-being.
Set boundaries to avoid burnout and maintain a healthy balance in your relationship.

Helping someone change is about being a steady, compassionate presence in their life. By offering support without pressure, you can empower them to take meaningful steps forward. Remember, change is a journey, and your role is to walk alongside them, not to lead the way.